dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
babies were throwing up all over the place
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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