is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
