Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
