look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
