I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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