I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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