just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize