I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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