Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
