i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
