dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
