and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just want to make out with him forever
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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