I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
