You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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