Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
