My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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