Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
