I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
