Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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