Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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