I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
