you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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