So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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