Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
