Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
