Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
why didn't you poke me back
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
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Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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