it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
