What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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