chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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