11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
