Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
