when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
