Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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