I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
