i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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