i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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