she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
