1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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