Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She's JV to your varsity
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
