franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
MIDGETS
????
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
