She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Fuck me I smell like cheese
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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