I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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