we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
