atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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