1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
