I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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