So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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