tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
