The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
