Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
