You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
