Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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