Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
