Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
