after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize