you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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