Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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