All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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