Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
