he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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