Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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