you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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